I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize