Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
