Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just want to make out with him forever
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize