Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
