I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
