Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
