your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize