one might say we're banned from that church
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
