I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
