R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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