Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
