Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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