just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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