you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Randomize
