Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just found a bag of teeth...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
