The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
