I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
