is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
