I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize