I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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