just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
