you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
