i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have fence marks all over my body
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
