Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
