Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I checked into jail on foursquare
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
