I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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