I CAN MOONWALK!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize