I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
