He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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