I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
