i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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