you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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