Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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