Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
