some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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