there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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