you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm getting married
To pizza
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
