i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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