is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
