So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
