There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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