there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dicks are not precious.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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