I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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