Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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