I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
