What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
