Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
