He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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