i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
