Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
