so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
