Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
