so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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