i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
