all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
