no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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