No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize