Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
