On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
