yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
