So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
