Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
