Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize