If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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