just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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