i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
