smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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