Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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