I got chris browned last night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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