how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize