He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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