Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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