It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Randomize
