So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
