i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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