My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize