The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
