Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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