after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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