Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
