sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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