God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
