Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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