Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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