he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
