That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
