my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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